August 26

The Art of Letting Go, an alternative Perspective

Just let go I hear her say. Let it all go and release it!!! Have you ever wondered what that actually means? and how to really do it? What you are even letting go of. Easy said not so easy done. #

Just let go I hear her say.  Let it all go and release it!!! Have you ever wondered what that actually means? and how to really do it? What are you even letting go of?  Easy said not so easy done.

Letting go for me is about going with the flow. Letting go of the old to bring in the new, letting go of emotions that hold us back from moving forward, like resentment, anger, grievance.

Flowing for me is flowing with what we call life, aliveness, brilliance, enthusiasm, joy, like a child, like nature, like the flowers, from the seed to the plant to the tree. Nature does not fight the forces it sways through them, with them until it flourishes. Sometimes humans give the plant a helping hand and sometimes it does it on its own. But it never really does it on its own because the birds or the bees take the seed, the droppings help fertilise it, the sun gives it warmth and light to grow and the rain waters it. Its a collaboration of many things to allow one tree or plant to grow.

So is letting go really about giving up the struggle to work it all out on your own, and instead find more love in everything you do, therefore more collaboration with life and others.

I have so often tried to do life on my own and got stuck. I have got stuck trying to work things out in my head trying to find the solutions and then giving up because I couldn’t, instead of sharing those struggles. I would push and forcing ‘trying’ to hard, instead of flowing, allowing and releasing those struggles for both the universe and others to help and answer them. There is a moment to try and a moment when you have tried to much its time to sit back let go and watch the seeds grow.

I realised there are moments of inbalance when we continue to try, we go against nature and reject lifes ressources, which includes others, the time to wait, to release things to come back. I have done that adamantly, continuing to try and control by doing it my way. When finally I let go and opened my mind to let love and others, I found other options became available, other avenues I hadn’t seen.

What therefore are we really letting go of and when do we know when to do it?.

For me its about timing and choice and letting go of the pain. The pain of difficult emotions like anger, sadness and loss. We let go of our ego that tells us it ‘should’ be done this way. We let go of holding on to things that no longer serve us. For example things that we’ve outgrown like the old house, the old car, perhaps even the boyfriend!!! We also let go of outdated ideas or opinions, our own and others that may not be helping. It may also be letting go of judgements, our own self judgements and also those we perceive from others. It may be about letting go of holding on to others that may want to leave, because of our own fears or thoughts of being lonely or losing something. The pain of losing a loved one, the grief. Its not the person or thing we are letting go of but the emotion holding us and them back.

Tinch Nat Han, a Zen buddhist master tells us the real answer to letting go is to love more. So often instead of loving more, we struggle and fight against it or avoid it and hide and protect ourselves and reject love. Loving more can be hard when you have been hurt many times in life, when you feel deeply for something or someone, when you are sensitive, when you are not sure what’s next.  It takes amazing courage, we shut down instead of opening ourselves up to more. I shut down and rejected love many times, my eyes weren’t open to it. I held on to the wrong things, my hurt, my resentment, my old pain, old thinking. I shut down to protect myself, but when I decided to open your heart I realised that the only thing that ever protects you is love.  I chose to love myself more which allowed more self respect to let go of the things that weren’t good for me. To release and let go, a conscious decision to love more. As I did life flowed again and the joy and abundance returned. I didn’t know I was holding on to those things until somebody else showed me, but once they did I had the choice to release them or hold on to them.

Loving more can mean loving your son more to understand that letting them leave and do what they want is what they need, and not hold on to them because you will feel sad and lonely. Loving more means letting go of the belief that you are not good enough, or criticizing yourself that you are not capable and love yourself more to see what you have to be able to do it. Loving more may mean letting your lover go if they are not happy, and not holding on because you won’t be able to cope on your own. Loving more may mean loving the house that gave you amazing memories to let someone else do the same. Loving more could mean leaving the job that you hate to let someone else that will love it do it. Loving more means I will be open to new perspectives, new opinions because I might learn something different.  Loving more means sharing your struggles and your thoughts so people can help you to work out the solutions.

This one saying has helped me all my life a quote from Eckhart Tolle from his book a new Earth – “once you realise the transience of all things you can learn to understand that there will always be something to take its place”.  It’s called surrendering to what is, so I can then do something about it. That’s the way the universe works, it fills the empty space with something, anything, and sometimes something even better.  Meaning that once you let go of what you need to, something will take its place….like the autumn leaves that fall to make way for new ones, the renewal. E.g my son has gone, but maybe that makes space for a new activity, more time for me.

Those are the first steps to letting go. They take time, something we often think we don’t have and so we force ourselves to let go.  You don’t have to force yourself, you just have to be a willing participant in looking at why you can’t and what you need to start. That way in the end it becomes easier and quicker!!!

It would be a joy to help you clarify what you may need to let go of, call let’s chat or book a 1 hour clarity session to learn the tools to start your journey. You can also send me an email to or call 0497 062902.